Validation

I guess I’ve always craved validation one way or another, be it someone telling me they think I look hot in my photos or a co worker telling me I did the right thing by leaving a job, sending that all important outfit pic to a friend before a night out and even trying to validate that feeing in my gut that I’d get sometimes, that the person I am dating is doing exactly what I suspect them of doing, even if they shouldn’t be. We all crave validation even if we don’t like the outcome.

The latter is exactly what I got during pre drinks at a friends apartment, the first night the UK was allowed to throw on our glad rags again and paint the town red in the bars. I was wearing my new pink denim jacket that matched my pastel hair though I really wasn’t feeling myself. Trying to pick myself up I posed for pictures with all my friends and sipped on my red wine only to have a awkward bombshell dropped on my head out of nowhere. I was asked if I dated the ex in question by one of my friends who was there and I told her I had been engaged to him, the only response she gave was…

‘lucky escape’…

It took me by surprise but also let me know that she had Tea that I didn’t know. She told me he had dated a few friends of hers and had been shady with both of them only to go on to tell me that one of her close friends were coming for drinks too and she was sorry…I asked her why she was apologising and she then said…

‘Your ex was trying to talk to my friend while you were engaged to him, I didn’t know it was you till he just told me and he’s on his way…’

My whole heart sank! I tried to breathe and it sank again. It had been years since me and the ex called it off but I had spoken to him since and even though I knew I shouldn’t be effected after all this time, the betrayal was still real in my gut. To only just be finding this out now and to have no time to process any of it was blowing my mind. I couldn’t leave, I had waited months to go out with my friends but now I was going to have to sit opposite a guy I didn’t know, who knew me and who knew my ex even more closely, for all the wrong reasons!

I spent the rest of my night confused, feeling hurt and consumed by negativity but ultimately feeling VALIDATED that even after all this time, all the nights waking with my heart pounding with suspicions, the person my ex truly was and what I assumed he had really been up to all along had been brought to light.

The next day I woke up with a random guy laying asleep next to me. I felt so rough and couldn’t feel my tongue, looking down was a struggle but I could see we were both naked. I reached over the sleeping mystery man and grabbed my phone off the side.

I removed my ex from my snapchat and went back to sleep.